


Are You There Scanlan? It's Me, God.

by TheShadowsAreNotWatching



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Ficlet, Gen, Prayer, Religion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 15:01:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11210502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheShadowsAreNotWatching/pseuds/TheShadowsAreNotWatching
Summary: You might be saying it just to say it, but that doesn't mean no one is listening.(Sarenrae's thoughts on a gnome. No, not that one.)





	Are You There Scanlan? It's Me, God.

 

              She tries to not play favorites and, for the most part, she succeeds. But although every spark holds a place in her heart, some fires burn brighter than others. So she keeps an eye on Pike Trickfoot, an eye on her steady kindness and her steady hands. When her child rebuilds her temple that she once thought lost, it felt like each brick that the small gnome laid resonated in her divine self, hummed with the memories with a thousand forgotten choruses. Pike Trickfoot is good and Sarenrae is very proud she carries the name of the Dawnflower.

              This is not a story about her favoritism towards Pike Trickfoot. This is a story about the guy next to her.

              There are a hundred hundred-thousand mortals and she does not have sight for them all. She does not take note of Scanlan Shorthalt in the beginning. When Pike Trickfoot asks for her protection over her friends, Sarenrae is somewhat aware that Scanlan Shorthalt is one of them. She is pretty sure he defecated in her temple once. Every life is precious, but it’s impossible to separate drops of water in a pool. Pike Trickfoot calls on her to bring him to life once, twice. But she has seen so many dead at this point and seen so many called back. Resurrection is not a miracle to a god.  

              But once she hears from Pike Trickfoot a prayer said with teary-eyes and pained-heart to watch over this Scanlan Shorthalt. The next day, the cleric says the same prayer, but with steel-eyes and heart filled with rage. Pike Trickfoot says this prayer not intending to be compassionate, not intending to be forgiving. And yet she is anyways. This, Sarenrae thinks, is a miracle. Mortals are such amazing things to have such dissonance between what they _hope_ and _want_ and _intend_ and _do_. 

              So when she hears a smooth voice in her ear stutter and stop, she listens.

              “So uh, listen,” Scanlan Shorthalt starts “I’ve never done this before. But, I’m kind of trying to find myself or something? Kaylie called it my post-life crisis. Whatever. People seem to find _something_ in prayer. And nothing I’ve been trying before has worked. And you seem less… less than Vax’s Raven Queen. So, uh. If you could… help I guess, that’d be cool. Thanks.”

              As far as first prayers go, it is not a particularly auspicious start.

              He prayers intermittently, his prayers given clumsily and half-heartedly. If Scanlan Shorthalt was an acolyte, she is not sure if he could summon up a light or sacred flame. Still though. It’s nice he tries.

              He prayers for many things and she finds she likes the cadence and the meter of his prayers however tentative they may be. One day he prays for protection, to not be taken away from his daughter again. Another day, he prays for 1,000,000 gold and for her to strike down his enemies.

              She doesn’t grant either prayer.

              When he first finds out what she does, he avoids praying. He asks her, not for compassion or forgiveness or wisdom. He asks her that he never regrets telling him the truth.

              She does not grant that prayer.

              He asks her to make a half-orc he picks up less stupid, “because Sarenrae, he needs it” (she does not grant it for it is not in her domain.) He asks her to look after Vox Machina and possibly make them less stupid, “because Sarenrae, they need it” (she does not grant it because she already promised Pike Trickfoot and also it seems to be impossible.)

              But one day, he walks into his room, pulling off a disguise, and falling into bed. He starts off his prayer with:

              “I haven’t prayed for them or for Kaylie to forgive me. Because if I was ignoring free will and all that jazz, I could totally make them forgive me. But that’s not what I want. I just... I just want to be better. I don't want to be the person who said all that shit before. Someone unforgivable." He stares up at the ceiling for a little bit. “Whatever. I didn’t expect you to help me. I just… I just want to know what Pike would say.”

              Scanlan Shorthalt is not her best follower. He is not her most devoted or dutiful or genuine follower. He is often unkind, uncompassionate, and unforgiving. She can count the times he’s actually prayed and not just recited the same poem on one hand.

              But, well, he _is_ very charming.

              When she sends down some warmth, she is not sure he realizes what occurred. But the next time he utters the words _e_ _veryone bleeds,_ he’s louder and she finds herself humming along.

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes you write fic because you have a story you want to tell. Sometimes you write fic because you have a good title. anironicattempt.tumblr.com


End file.
